- Bat
- Yours truly, the narrator. Ahem ... long suffering victim, possible genius, and man of great wealth, unfortunately not of the monetary kind. SHE got that!
- Hannah
- My first wife, childhood sweetheart and dedicated career woman. Friends we were, friends we remain.
- Jack & Jill
- Who couldn't resist conjuncting more than the names.
- Oliver
- Hannah's son by her second husband. So far as the kids are concerned, just another brother.
- Pebbles
- As the eldest child, feels she has had a rocky road in life setting the standard for her siblings to follow. Definitely my first wife's child.
- Princess
- A real Texican's daughter through and through. My third child, her mother is Rose. Dedicated, hardworking and a real mankiller.
- Punky
- My youngest, a real cute sweet kid, no thanks to her mother Sue. She even shows promise of growing up right. I'll have to look up to her in more ways than one.
- R.C.
- A real controlled sort of guy. With Sue as his mother, what can you expect when he denies he's six feet tall. My second child and only son.
- Rose
- My third wife, and by any other name, a real Texas flower. Her car tag reads TEXICAN. As if you couldn't tell from the bumper stickers.
- Ruth
- Observer, defender and commentarian.
- Sarah
- Observer and friend.
- Sue
- If she'd had the legs and face, Barbie dolls would have suffered shape envy. The wicked witch of the west can only beg for lessons. (Obviously my second wife.)
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